I am amazed that I can’t remember things from two days ago but have vivid flashbacks of my life from twenty years ago. Colors, people’s faces, time, little indiscrepancies like the color of my barbie doll’s clothes. The fabric in which they were made………I could feel. I remember visualizing the softness of my mother’s skin

more…

My body started to develop and I couldn’t stop it. The mirror was my enemy. Every time I looked in it it seemed that my breasts were getting larger, protruding out……and all I wanted to do was cover them up. I was getting noticed, also. It bothered me. It was almost as though I wasn’t

more…

As I was writing my blog, I could’t help note how difficult it was going to be today to wear that damn cervical collar just out and about today doing normal things I was feeling like a freak! Flashback: I was the focal point. ( Dressed in black tights, black body suit) …..Their suits were

more…

Writing this blog thus so far, has truly opened my eyes not only to you the readers, but the effect on my family as well. Not all my family members are on board. I promised myself I would not hurt anyone in this difficult process, but that names would remain anonymous. I’m not sure about

more…

As Mother’s Day is here, I can’t help but think about the choices I made or didn’t make during the time I could have borne children. Looking at my niece and nephews and other friends, I am saddened that I was so selfish, and unable to bring a new life into the world that would

more…

So my hands are hurting today more bilaterally I think from the surgery. They were both numb prior to my decompression, but now they are rebounding from the decompression. When I spoke to the nurse she seemed to agree that this what was happening along with my spiked blood pressure. “Cindy, things will get worse

more…

It’s hard to explain Social Phobia unless you’ve experienced it. I never thought of myself as antisocial, but then things get crossed, lines get blurred, and you find yourself in a situation that’s extremely uncomfortable. And then you find yourself having to wear this contraption for 23 hours a day, and your whole self worth

more…

Please let me be clear, in order for this blog to truly work, I need input and questions on ANYthing I’m writing about. We need to learn and grow from each other. This blog is helping my healing as well as it is yours! I don’t know if there are rules for blogging, I’m simply

more…

We are all different people to each other. Let ‘s face it. A mom, a friend, a coworker isn’t going to see you or treat you in all the same ways, as say a doctor, a sister, or as a niece. And yet here I am just being me, “Cindy”…with all my beautiful flaws, talents,

more…

So before putting me to sleep a couple days ago, I almost jumped off the operating room table. “Please don’t paralyze me before you put me to sleep”. I think the anesthesiologist must have thought I was crazy. “Lay down, we’re just going to put some oxygen on you”. A little earlier in my life,

more…