Thinner

We are all different people to each other. Let ‘s face it. A mom, a friend, a coworker isn’t going to see you or treat you in all the same ways, as say a doctor, a sister, or as a niece.

And yet here I am just being me, “Cindy”…with all my beautiful flaws, talents, traits, beliefs.

“Dammit 103 lbs. I need to be under a hundred pounds before this next ballet class. She’s going to weigh us, I know it”. To me I had to fit in a certain box, a view, a vision. You see, if I could attain perfection with my body, then I would be in control. I started getting compliments in dance.class. My technique started to skyrocket, doing things I did know I was able. I was the dancer of the Year that year! People viewed me differently (so I thought) They could tell even with my brace on that I was becoming thinner, I was receiving more what I perceived was love from my family and friends. I could get my brace really tight, to a point I could make it overlap and make myself “look” thinner. This one boy I knew as a Freshman actually asked me to the Freshman Formal. Control is what I thought I was gaining, At dinner, I would barely eat anything. Everyone noticed and the compliments kept coming.

It didn’t matter what my relationship was with you, I was becoming the thin, in control Cindy.

But those butterfly wings weren’t growing. They were shriveling. I became hypoglycemic in all my classes. All I could think about was food. I began looking at myself as different than everyone else. Growing inward was where I was going. I wasn’t going to have enough strength cracking open that cocoon shell. It all was starting to take over my life with food being the number one priority. “Just a couple more minutes on the bike.
Yeah that should do it”.

So do we stay true to ourselves or do we take on a few of the characteristics that are “expected” of us in these following roles, categories, or titles? I think it’s a little of both.

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