Hello World, this is a blog about Scoliosis and my descent into addiction, an eating disorder, and Depression. Please leave comments and questions. My goal is to let you know that you’re not alone. I’m not using AI. Everything is straight from my heart.
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Help
When you are in a foreboding hole it’s so very hard to reach out to anyone or anybody. I haven’t written lately because I’ve been in that very dark place. …that place where silence consumes you completely. When you try to move the ropes that bind your soul only tighten. My heart is aching to…
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Milestones
In life there are milestones. Some joyous, some agonizing. I don’t know if I have enough strength anymore to look into the blank stare of a woman who used to be so full of life. I miss her. I often ask God why? I don’t understand this cruel world. I guess we’re not meant to…
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Aching
The pain from my Scoliosis is severe today. Aching and throbbing is that thoracic section. I want to slip something warm, pushing, deliberately right in a man made pocket of my intercostal muscles on the right side contradicting my ”s” curve. It would be a warm hand compressing ever so gently my whole back into…
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Life
So I have to talk about life today. When you care about someone so deeply and see them wither away day by day it becomes excruciating. Why? Why God? We are born and become this beautiful, vivacious being, only to become this gaunt, emaciated human. It’s inevitable. No matter how amazing you are today you…
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Intimacy
I was growing. Growing as a woman. All awry inside but definitely outside ….. As my breasts were evolving, I was having feelings also. I wanted so much to be touched by a man, to feel passion, to explore. It wasn’t about sex, or penetration. It was more about intimacy I wanted to explore things…
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Brace
It feels like I’m wearing that cumbersome brace again—the one from my teenage years. The Milwaukee brace. In my opinion, it’s the worst of the worst when it comes to bracing techniques. The physical scarring is one thing, but the emotional toll it takes on a child? That stays with you. And now, this C…
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Pain
It surfaces—whether you want it to or not.You can’t hold it in forever. Today, I have to face my pain.My cup is overflowing—brimming with insecurities, whispers, and assumptions that might not even be true.But it still hurts. Physically.I can feel it in my chest. In my heart. No one really understands what it’s like to…
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Invisible
It’s weird when you just wanna fall back and not be noticed anymore. You’ll do everything and anything to become invisible, non-existent because you don’t think you are worth living. But of course, I continued to get compliments from my family, my friends about how I looked. Confusion consumes you. You want to be in…
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Senses
I am amazed that I can’t remember things from two days ago but have vivid flashbacks of my life from twenty years ago. Colors, people’s faces, time, little indiscrepancies like the color of my barbie doll’s clothes. The fabric in which they were made………I could feel. I remember visualizing the softness of my mother’s skin…