Aching

The pain from my Scoliosis is severe today. Aching and throbbing is that thoracic section. I want to slip something warm, pushing, deliberately right in a man made pocket of my intercostal muscles on the right side contradicting my ”s” curve. It would be a warm hand compressing ever so gently my whole back into alignment.

Many times I spent moments on the armchair of the sofa shoving my rib cage the inverted way of my curve. Just stretching and maintaining that position, I thought somehow a magical wand would materialize and situate that position into muscle memory.

I was a Senior. Growing out of my brace, there was no way in hell I was getting fitted for another. My x- rays showed I was ceaselessly growing. There was an experimental treatment on the market using electrodes at night going the opposing way of my curve every 9 seconds. Contracting …releasing…….Contracting …releasing it would continue.

Not only was I fighting an eating disorder at night, but now I was wearing this torturous conglomeration of wires and electrodes while trying to sleep. I loathed everything about my body. I felt guilty about everything. How was I functioning ? How did I graduate? I remember looking down and having two different colored socks on in school one day

My back continued to ache…..

If anyone has ever or is currently in a very dark place, you don’t have to be alone. You are not abnormal. Many of us suffer in silence. I’m here to BREAK that silence.