This blog has turned out to be so much more than just Scoliosis. I’m learning as the words pour out that there is something in my heart much deeper that needs acceptance, love and exploration. I’m hoping that you continue to read with me as we learn and help each other get through pain, no matter where it’s coming from, and to grow in the process………
I skipped my Ketamine appt today. As I looked in the mirror and looked at all the frizzy ends of my hair dominating my whole head, I knew I wouldn’t go. Not because of how I looked , but because of how I felt. Each fine end was swerving opposite of each other and felt like crispy Fall leaves That’s how my heart felt. Fried. The coronary arteries I sensed were brittle surrounding my aching heart .Again in a panic I started swirling in their layers reaching deeper and desperately.
Again I began to ponder. I have no control of these infinite layers. My Higher Power I could see in the distance among beautiful vivid flowers…and in His hands He held my broken, shattered heart. He held my light, my soul.
So quietly I knelt on the fuzzy carpet. I could feel each bristle impact my dry, flaky knees. The feeling was soft and intense. I gently grasped my sweaty palms together. I hunched my head down forgetting about the c-5 c-6 fusion and began to pray. I took all that I had, all that I am, and gave it back to Him.
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Today I ask for Acceptance
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