May 2, 2025
So it’s 6:30 am. I have to include in this that I am NOT using AI to write this! All my own words they are.
I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 I wanted to blog pre surgery and post surgery. My Blood Pressure is 162/107. This is probably nerves, somewhat physiological due to the circumstances of my spinal cord, and 100% because I’m a lunatic. Having worked in the OR gaining and learning almost too much. Everything is modest and prim and proper until the patients are intubated, then the circus begins…….
9:30 PM I’m home! Everything went well. Pain in check. I guess I was being a drama queen. lol Left with another really “cool” neck brace made of high density plastic right up to my chin around my neck, up to my mid hairline. So my hair is staying in so I don’t damage it.
The Milwaukee brace-so many memories. Made of two steel bars going down my back, wrapping around my mid section in plastic right down to my pelvic area, coming up the front with another beautiful steel bar, reaching around my neck to connect to the back with steel screws. The best I could compare it to was Quasimodo. Oh how I tried to hide the back of it with my hair, but it became shredded and broken off. My butterfly wings were shrinking, I was becoming more withdrawn, more full of anxiety, more full of embarrassment, I was not good enough anymore. And the pain, sitting in those damn school chairs. I could not concentrate. Nothing mattered except the way I looked. Then started my deep descent into controlling “SOMETHING”. Yes my body……..I finally had something I could control. I was going to become that butterfly. No one could tell me what to do anymore. Even though i was supposed to wear this monstrosity 7 days a week, 23 hours a day ……….change was ahead.
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