Hello World

April 26th 2025

it’s so frustrating wanting to reach out to family and friends, but the push button on “go” doesn’t run. The intent is there but the motivation is silent. Oh there’s so much I wan.t to say, So I start…… I want to affect people in a positive way and if I can do that for just one person well then it’ll be worth it. I have to get over my feelings of isolation of not being good enough and stand up with my head high and my shoulders back, even if I have a crooked spine (scoliosis) thus my title Cindy with a Twist. I don’t know what a happy medium is, I always go over the top. This feeling of desperation of excellence has always ruled my life. Perfection Perfection Perfection,……, never enough.
In these pages I will write my lifelong story and my struggle with scoliosis addiction, an eating disorder, social phobia, and Depression.This won’t be a chronological structure but rather a diary of sorts bringing together my everyday struggles

April 27th 2025

So I’m thinking should I wait? Should I wait to write this all down before my decompression and fusion. This is all part of my scoliosis Journey. My bowels are random my blood pressure is up and down high and low. I think this is all due to the symptoms of the compression of my spinal cord. Couldn’t even bring Quincy to the dog park this morning because I wasn’t sure if I would have to use the bathroom. Got my Fantastic bottle right by the toilet….along with my scale ……

oh the memories ” Cindy do you know how much you weigh? You’re getting fat. Step on that scale “. My memories go back to my childhood. i was battling not only the scoliosis deformity thing but also my body developing. I was 13 and oh how I wanted to be loved how I wanted to be accepted it-And the right I gave him to make me feel bad, to make me feel like I was something less than subhuman. Not only did I have scoliosis, but I was disappointing him with the development of my body, with the development of the muscles of my body. It was like the skinnier I was the more love I got. The skinnier I was the more control I had. the skinnier I was then maybe the scoliosis would go away.

This is so hard and I’m terrified, Of course I am!! But I wanted to start writing my blog before my fusion and decompression of c5 c6. it was important to me that you had a glimpse inside what it was like before surgery, and then what it will be like after surgery. Oh what a story I have to tell…….