Apple

My body started to develop and I couldn’t stop it.
The mirror was my enemy. Every time I looked in it it seemed that my breasts were getting larger, protruding out……and all I wanted to do was cover them up.
I was getting noticed, also. It bothered me. It was almost as though I wasn’t allowed to develop. I wasn’t supposed to develop… like it was wrong or something

“Okay if I can just stay thin enough, I won’t develop anymore?” And so there’s that apple. I take it from the fridge like it’s some kind of golden piece of jewelry, coveting it’s every move. So red, and shiny it was. I knew when I broke into it the juices would immediately penetrate into my blood stream feeding it with the natural sugar it so desperately was needing. “No, I’ll save it. “” I’ll have it after dance class tonight.” That would be my little prize at the end of the day

I couldn’t see how destructive I was being not only physically to my body but psychologically to my brain. Food became my purpose. How I dealt with it every day, how I cooked with it, how I ate it, how it affected my body were the only things that mattered.

I had no control over anything else except what I put into my mouth. That little red apple meant everything to me…….